For about 3 years now I have known that I was bisexual I just never fully acted on these feelings. From the age of 18-29 I have been involved with a woman one time during a threesome, but there was nothing more than friendship no romantic or sexual connection she was pretty nervous about kissing alone to be quite Frank with you. So recently I decided to go on a detox from D for 3 months, when it comes to sex, I don’t orgasm, so I figured I wasn’t missing out on much and didn’t have anything to lose. During the hiatus I did think about caving in on several occasions, but one of my best friends said it won’t even feel worth it when you decide to go back. I took this thought into consideration and pondered over the fact that she was right. I recently had stopped talking to a woman I was crushing on which made me recall all the emotional and sexual feelings I had for a friend years ago. I took it upon myself to get an erotic massage because after these months of buildup I think physical touch was what I missed most. I initially always thought to seek out a male for such things, but why hadn’t I ever thought to look for a woman. I ended up finding her Instagram the video she had up of her rubbing down another client had me convinced that she could give the touch I had been looking for. She’s 5’3 and 135lbs of lean muscle with nice waves and a masculine style which is very much up my alley I love me some studs. I reached out and she was very professional we discussed what I had in mind and why I decided to book with her. She understood that an orgasm had been a challenge for me and stated that she has given women more than a handful in one night. That didn’t surprise me at all because people always say women know women’s bodies, she wasn’t being cocky and I for one can respect it. We honestly talked for quite some time even just getting to know one another and built a friendship which was unexpected, but we were both glad this wouldn’t be awkward. We met up at a hotel room, ate pizza and played video games talk about having a great day. She went out to smoke a few puffs in the unbearable cold and came right back in we both weren’t exactly built with insulation being small and petite. She asked me if I was ready for the massage I replied yes and then we both chuckled a bit because I had to get undressed. I slowly removed my clothing before thinking what the hell she has seen plenty of women naked and she is one. I got on massage table lying face down as she put on some smooth slow jams and warmed up the baby oil up in between her soft hands. She started at my shoulders kneading and pressing her fingertips into the muscles of my back which was very relaxing. She asked me if I was okay to which I responded mhm as she begins to work her way down gliding and caressing my ass which didn’t bother me a bit only until she raked her fingers down my calves causing me to laugh ticklishly. She lightened up worked her way to my feet and asked me if I was ready to turn over. I turned over a bit more nervous since my nipples, breast and pussy were more readily available to her. Trey Songz complete version of Panty Droppa was playing as she rubbed my shoulders and began to make her way down my perky breasts caressing my nipples in a circular motion and rolling each harden pebble between her fingers at this moment my breathing definitely started to change a bit, but I nibbled on my lip and continued to remain calm. Her hands slid down my stomach, hipbones and thighs more oil was applied to her hands as she sat down and bent my knee placing my foot into her lap. She made her way from the bottom of my leg to the top of my thigh edging closer to my lower lips. She bent my knees out into the butterfly like yoga pose making her way up my thighs as her fingers playfully brushed against my outer labia lips promoting more wetness and teasing which I loved but wouldn’t say aloud. At some point she eventually pressed her lips onto my skin and from my ankles to my nipples body kisses were placed upon me from the softest lips I have ever felt upon me. My breathing was heavier as I brought her head into me feeling her tongue suck each of my nipples a moan escaping from my lips. She got in between my legs and before I knew it her soft tongue was sucking on my clit and every bit of me melted into that moment. I hadn’t had head in about 5 months and was happy that I finally had a professional on the job. I watched her in awe as her eyes glazed up towards me and she begin to slide a finger in my anticipating slit. She grabbed my nipples while she fucked my pussy with her tongue, and I thrusted my hips towards her to fuck her face. She even fingered my pussy, licked and began to finger my ass at the same time while sucking my clit as I hollered in doggystyle. So many times, I was on my back with my legs shaking and squeezing her head against my thighs, grabbing her hair, the sheets or trying to escape her grasp. Moment after moment I had no idea what to expect or anticipate as my pussy continued to drip endlessly. The finger techniques in addition to the oral presentation I was receiving was nothing less than what every woman should experience at least one time in their lives. My mind wasn’t missing anything, and my body was receiving everything. I have never been the princess of pleasure before, but that night was all mine, and she wasn’t going to stop letting me know until the break of dawn. Round for round and position after position she definitely made things worthwhile that I won’t forget until the day I die or until memories decide they can no longer be recalled. My takeaway from this is if you are truly curious, nervous or have never acted on something you have always truly wanted to do then do it! The attention and dedication she had towards my body is the most I have ever received in a lifetime. At the end of it all I brought her lips to mine and kissed her nibbling on her bottom lip because I love tasting my pussy after someone has eaten it and she definitely deserved a kiss after her more than charitable act. I honestly haven’t been with anyone sexier to me than her. We are still friends to this day, so we’ll see what happens.
Lately I have been thinking how much work do you have to put into the labor of love and the answer is a lot. I may not be married but I thought the hardest thing was being an adult who works endlessly, trying to make time to actually date and building a life of your own while trying to conjoin lives with the one you love. Then…I thought people always talk about the labor of love but they never talk about the labor of self love. Accepting you for who you are honestly may be a lot harder than some of us realize. Some of only see flaws, self doubt or our childhood that has shaped a bad self image causing us to look for validation in the wrong places. To day one of my most free spirited friends hit me up and told she was back to self harming and I hate to hear that, but of course I inquired about it. The reason was because a man that she cares for doesn’t want to be with her..”Girl these men out here don’t even want me.” I told her she needs no validation from any man on this this earth she is a great person and whether she realizes it or not she is amazing in her own way and if they don’t love you for it truth is they were never going to. So I encourage anyone who is reading this to look inside yourself and think how much labor did it take or is it still taking to completely give yourself 100% unconditional love. You are with you for the rest of your life no matter what so regardless of what winds may blow and storms may occur I hope you enjoy who you are and this life that you as much as you possibly can. Be a masterpiece trying to master your peace.
Tips to up the Self Love
- Positive Self Talk: make sure you aren’t saying anything negative that you would not let anyone else say to you
- Do things that make happy and smile: Happy people are beautiful people
- Reminders: remind yourself daily about the people and things in your life that you genuinely love
- Intuition: do your best to listen to that calm voice inside yourself that guides you in the right direction
- Meditation: try to take some personal time out every week to do a little something for yourself so that you can dissect your thoughts and sort out feelings
- Friends: Make sure you surround yourself around positive friends that make you feel just as amazing as you are
Lately I have been asking myself why do I feel unhappy when in reality I don’t think it is happiness in its entirety that I am in pursuit of I think it’s fulfillment. Sometimes I am pleased and find myself delighted with things but overall I don’t think I am satisfied. I want to figure out what is the one thing that makes me feel like I make a difference in the world and helps me feel like I am contributing more than I am taking up space and using up resources. Even when I was younger sometimes I would wish I already knew what type of career I would end up with or even what type of man if the time came to get married or what have you… Living the adult life according to society like working and paying taxes or doing the whole american dream thing with 3.5 kids and the white picket fence doesn’t seem like it is all it is cracked up to be. Fitting the cookie cutter mold just isn’t cutting it and sometimes I wonder how do other people do it and remain working the same job and living such a repetitive lifestyle the main reason that comes to mind is because of their families. At the age of 25 I wonder when will I find a job or career that doesn’t feel like work at all, a relationship that feels like the ultimate friendship, and when will I get to go traveling and see all that there is to be seen farther than the United States. I know nothing can truly guarantee happiness, but I think if could find something that gives me purpose I could be more satisfied with the ideal that I am making a difference in the world and impacting someone else’s life.